Endings...

I am not good with accepting change.  Especially when it is the result of a relationship ending.  Whether I've lost someone because of moving or we grew apart or there was a death, I have learned that I don't deal with the loss very well.  I don't suppose anyone does.

Over the past few days I have had two important friendships end.  It has been a wave of emotion as I sift through the conversations, the laughter, the sadness, the closeness and try to understand why they needed to end.  I noticed, as I was sending a final message to one friend, that in the email I stated that in my mind we would always be friends.  And I ended the sentence with a series of periods......which usually means more to come (at least that's what I mean).  Then I went back and erased those dots and replaced them with a single period.  Signifying the end.

I know relationships end.  I've gone through enough endings where that point is firmly planted in my mind.  It doesn't mean I like it, but it means I have to accept it.  My dad died, my husband died, my close friend walked away.  Endings are rarely easy.  Goodbyes are so much harder than the first "nice to meet you".  Closure is a word that makes no sense to me.  I have never been able to close the door on anyone.  Especially someone with whom I share a story.  No matter where they've chosen to go or how they've chosen to leave, in my mind and in my heart we remain friends.....